Global Anxiety

So I listen to NPR every morning while I'm getting ready for the day. I do this for two reasons: 1.) I don't watch TV, so have to keep up with what's going on the world somehow, and 2.) I really don't care for most radio station morning shows...cause I'm not really that interested in celebrity gossip. (P.S. I just heard that JamieLynn Spears is preggo again...shocker. I know, I'm behind, I think I learned that while waiting in line a the grocery store.)

So me and NPR are wicked besties, but lately, and I hate to say this, listening practically gives me a panic attack. In addition to my usual stressors (i.e. consumer debt, my family, dating, demand on my time, etc.) I've now adopted global anxiety.

My internal dialog has gone from something like, "OMG, I have to pay off my credit card...really, where ARE the normal grown up men?...is 8:30 too early to go bed?"

to

"Great, we're either going to be Socialists or all be required to become NRA members, good work bipartisanship!...just why is it ok to bailout people who bought too much house??? ...Poor Georgia, shame on you Russia!...Is health care really a right like liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Where does it say that?....that Hugo Chavez really should stop with the getting everyone all worked up about the "Empire" we're not that bad, sheesh...OMG, I'm never going to get out of debt and neither will the US! Maybe everything will crash and American Express with let me off the hook...I'm moving to Italy...or Australia...or a hut in Bali"

So, I literally start having a mild panic attack this morning. Because the global anxiety hasn't replaced my personal anxiety, it's just ganged up with it to bully me. That's when I decided that a CD was a better alternative...at least for today.

So, I can't help but wonder (I know, I watch too much Sex And The City), what are we to do? Certainly I'm not the only person feeling the anxiety of our tumultuous times. How do we deal with it? Do we roll with punches and make the best of it or do we take a stand? And if we take a stand who and what are we standing up against? With globalization and age of information, the Boogie Man of ages past has become illusive and indistinct. He used to hide in our closest or under our beds, but now he's in our email, our electronic identities, our foreign policies, our suspicious neighbors, our toxic foods and unpredictable stock markets.

Do we fight this illusive enemy, Fear, or do we retreat to under our beds and inside our closets and hope for the best with the good old fashioned Boogie Man to keep us company?

Bad Dates and Chinese Food

Yesterday I was at a little social gathering telling an animated story of my most recent bad date, which had the group in tears laughing. They suggested I start a blog cataloging my misadventures. I would love to do this and talk about all of the ridiculous things that I've seen/heard/done/been subjected to, but I'm hesitant for a few reasons:

1. I would be terrified that the boys I went out with would read the blog
2. and then I would never go on any dates ever again
3. It seems not-nice to post those stories on the world wide web
4. But I do tell them at parties...

Any thoughts?

Also, I had Chinese for lunch today and my fortune says, "You have a charming way with words and should write a book". I read it and jokingly said to my coworker, "that, or sit in a cubicle for 50 hours a week...it's a toss up." But really...aren't those our options? Surpass or surrender. Exceed or settle. I mean, I realize it's a process and I'm not beating myself up about not living up to my potential (or my fortune cookie) at the moment.

Another fun quote of the day from E.B. White:

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult."

I'm commited to the idea of finding a way to change the world AND have one hell of a good time. Anyone care to join me?

Tyler is better than me...

Tyler is better than me....

because she is better at keeping up with the blog...

She is awesome!

Here is a simple quote from me, inspired by the past weeks:

"I choose to learn about politics from comedians, and religion from poetry."

Therefore, Chris Rock and Rumi are my two greatest teachers of the moment!

She's been warned

So I finally made myself listen to Jaime's Soul Mate Manifesto. Now, I had been putting it off for one reason: I knew once I actually heard it that I would be forced to do something about it and in turn become increasingly pushy and obnoxious to my dear and darling friend.

So here we are. I've heard it and it's FABULOUS. Jaime never ceases to amaze me with her insight, she is always teaching me something.

And now I'm gonna have to get all obnoxious and tell everyone else about The Soul Mate Manifesto. So if you haven't heard it, you should. Imagine your smartest, kindest, in-tunest (I know it's not a word...), and most productive conversations you have with your closest friends, then organize it and break it down into a fun and simple step-by-step process and you have what Jaime has created with The Soul Mate Manifesto.

Ok, I'm done for now...but consider yourselves warned as well.

Do Nothing. Time is too precious to waste. - Buddha

Sunday morning I supplemented my usual church service with meditation and a class at the Kanzeon Zen Center with Genpo Roshi who developed the Big Mind concept - you can read about it on their website. (Don't fret my darling Mormon friends, I went church later!)

First of all, meditating with a group is SO much easier. A solid 30 minute meditation is usually difficult for me to do. I get restless, my mind gets louder and louder, I get persistent itchy spots where they didn't otherwise exist, my right foot always falls asleep, I suddenly develop Spidey Sense and can hear EVERYthing, etc. But in a group of probably 80 people or so, it's manageable. And even enjoyable. I'm even entertaining the idea of going to the morning sittings before work (which is pretty ambitious considering I'm already getting up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym before work as it is).

------ two hour break and loss of my train of thought ------

So...Zen...meditation...it's good. I'm gonna do more of it. I recommend it.

Monkey Mind

I have a million thoughts running through my mind today. Among them:

1. I'd like to go to Harvard.
2. I think I ought to have been born in New England.
3. I want to do something of significance...something big.
4. How do I figure out what that something big be?
5. I meditated this morning for 30 minutes...I could definitely be better at it.
6. I was all Zen this morning...since I was at a Zen center.
7. Now I'm the opposite of Zen...whatever that is.
8. What can I change about myself to improve my relationships?
9. What is self-love for me?
10. I'm kind of lousy at self-love, I'll work on being better at it.
11. Debt sucks and is kind of debilitating.
12. I'm pretty smart.
13. I don't use my brain enough though.
14. I hate clutter and confrontation.
15. I'm starting to hate clutter more than confrontation.
16. I like alone time. A lot. It's when I recharge and balance.
17. I wish I had more time to do more things that seem bigger than the day-to-day.
18. But Life is the day-to-day.
19. I should work on enjoying each moment...because moments make lifetimes.
20. I wish I could get my brain the shut up. Seriously.

Arrgh!

BE HERE NOW.

Ups and Downs

So it was my birthday this weekend. Birthdays are emotional in general for me, so I braced myself. There were highs and lows and let myself be in both. So when I felt terrible, I just embraced it and felt really terrible. When I felt great it was a pointed, shiny greatness, the kind that hums.

I was feeling fantastic on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday morning...I have great friends, I live in a beautiful place, I have a good job, I live in abundance, I'm healthy, I have good hair ;)...then self-pity snuck up on me and sucker punched me right in the face!

So I was in a slump for a few days. But I just let myself be in it. I didn't entertain all the crummy thoughts I could have...but I let myself feel bad...cause I wanted to.

But THEN! It went away. I mean nothing has changed, but I just feel better. I dunno, I guess it just helps to remind myself of the impermanence of moods and feelings and situations. The whole "this too shall pass" bit. It's really true. Thank goodness for that.