Global Anxiety

So I listen to NPR every morning while I'm getting ready for the day. I do this for two reasons: 1.) I don't watch TV, so have to keep up with what's going on the world somehow, and 2.) I really don't care for most radio station morning shows...cause I'm not really that interested in celebrity gossip. (P.S. I just heard that JamieLynn Spears is preggo again...shocker. I know, I'm behind, I think I learned that while waiting in line a the grocery store.)

So me and NPR are wicked besties, but lately, and I hate to say this, listening practically gives me a panic attack. In addition to my usual stressors (i.e. consumer debt, my family, dating, demand on my time, etc.) I've now adopted global anxiety.

My internal dialog has gone from something like, "OMG, I have to pay off my credit card...really, where ARE the normal grown up men?...is 8:30 too early to go bed?"

to

"Great, we're either going to be Socialists or all be required to become NRA members, good work bipartisanship!...just why is it ok to bailout people who bought too much house??? ...Poor Georgia, shame on you Russia!...Is health care really a right like liberty and the pursuit of happiness? Where does it say that?....that Hugo Chavez really should stop with the getting everyone all worked up about the "Empire" we're not that bad, sheesh...OMG, I'm never going to get out of debt and neither will the US! Maybe everything will crash and American Express with let me off the hook...I'm moving to Italy...or Australia...or a hut in Bali"

So, I literally start having a mild panic attack this morning. Because the global anxiety hasn't replaced my personal anxiety, it's just ganged up with it to bully me. That's when I decided that a CD was a better alternative...at least for today.

So, I can't help but wonder (I know, I watch too much Sex And The City), what are we to do? Certainly I'm not the only person feeling the anxiety of our tumultuous times. How do we deal with it? Do we roll with punches and make the best of it or do we take a stand? And if we take a stand who and what are we standing up against? With globalization and age of information, the Boogie Man of ages past has become illusive and indistinct. He used to hide in our closest or under our beds, but now he's in our email, our electronic identities, our foreign policies, our suspicious neighbors, our toxic foods and unpredictable stock markets.

Do we fight this illusive enemy, Fear, or do we retreat to under our beds and inside our closets and hope for the best with the good old fashioned Boogie Man to keep us company?

Bad Dates and Chinese Food

Yesterday I was at a little social gathering telling an animated story of my most recent bad date, which had the group in tears laughing. They suggested I start a blog cataloging my misadventures. I would love to do this and talk about all of the ridiculous things that I've seen/heard/done/been subjected to, but I'm hesitant for a few reasons:

1. I would be terrified that the boys I went out with would read the blog
2. and then I would never go on any dates ever again
3. It seems not-nice to post those stories on the world wide web
4. But I do tell them at parties...

Any thoughts?

Also, I had Chinese for lunch today and my fortune says, "You have a charming way with words and should write a book". I read it and jokingly said to my coworker, "that, or sit in a cubicle for 50 hours a week...it's a toss up." But really...aren't those our options? Surpass or surrender. Exceed or settle. I mean, I realize it's a process and I'm not beating myself up about not living up to my potential (or my fortune cookie) at the moment.

Another fun quote of the day from E.B. White:

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult."

I'm commited to the idea of finding a way to change the world AND have one hell of a good time. Anyone care to join me?

Tyler is better than me...

Tyler is better than me....

because she is better at keeping up with the blog...

She is awesome!

Here is a simple quote from me, inspired by the past weeks:

"I choose to learn about politics from comedians, and religion from poetry."

Therefore, Chris Rock and Rumi are my two greatest teachers of the moment!

She's been warned

So I finally made myself listen to Jaime's Soul Mate Manifesto. Now, I had been putting it off for one reason: I knew once I actually heard it that I would be forced to do something about it and in turn become increasingly pushy and obnoxious to my dear and darling friend.

So here we are. I've heard it and it's FABULOUS. Jaime never ceases to amaze me with her insight, she is always teaching me something.

And now I'm gonna have to get all obnoxious and tell everyone else about The Soul Mate Manifesto. So if you haven't heard it, you should. Imagine your smartest, kindest, in-tunest (I know it's not a word...), and most productive conversations you have with your closest friends, then organize it and break it down into a fun and simple step-by-step process and you have what Jaime has created with The Soul Mate Manifesto.

Ok, I'm done for now...but consider yourselves warned as well.

Do Nothing. Time is too precious to waste. - Buddha

Sunday morning I supplemented my usual church service with meditation and a class at the Kanzeon Zen Center with Genpo Roshi who developed the Big Mind concept - you can read about it on their website. (Don't fret my darling Mormon friends, I went church later!)

First of all, meditating with a group is SO much easier. A solid 30 minute meditation is usually difficult for me to do. I get restless, my mind gets louder and louder, I get persistent itchy spots where they didn't otherwise exist, my right foot always falls asleep, I suddenly develop Spidey Sense and can hear EVERYthing, etc. But in a group of probably 80 people or so, it's manageable. And even enjoyable. I'm even entertaining the idea of going to the morning sittings before work (which is pretty ambitious considering I'm already getting up at 5 a.m. to go to the gym before work as it is).

------ two hour break and loss of my train of thought ------

So...Zen...meditation...it's good. I'm gonna do more of it. I recommend it.

Monkey Mind

I have a million thoughts running through my mind today. Among them:

1. I'd like to go to Harvard.
2. I think I ought to have been born in New England.
3. I want to do something of significance...something big.
4. How do I figure out what that something big be?
5. I meditated this morning for 30 minutes...I could definitely be better at it.
6. I was all Zen this morning...since I was at a Zen center.
7. Now I'm the opposite of Zen...whatever that is.
8. What can I change about myself to improve my relationships?
9. What is self-love for me?
10. I'm kind of lousy at self-love, I'll work on being better at it.
11. Debt sucks and is kind of debilitating.
12. I'm pretty smart.
13. I don't use my brain enough though.
14. I hate clutter and confrontation.
15. I'm starting to hate clutter more than confrontation.
16. I like alone time. A lot. It's when I recharge and balance.
17. I wish I had more time to do more things that seem bigger than the day-to-day.
18. But Life is the day-to-day.
19. I should work on enjoying each moment...because moments make lifetimes.
20. I wish I could get my brain the shut up. Seriously.

Arrgh!

BE HERE NOW.

Ups and Downs

So it was my birthday this weekend. Birthdays are emotional in general for me, so I braced myself. There were highs and lows and let myself be in both. So when I felt terrible, I just embraced it and felt really terrible. When I felt great it was a pointed, shiny greatness, the kind that hums.

I was feeling fantastic on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday morning...I have great friends, I live in a beautiful place, I have a good job, I live in abundance, I'm healthy, I have good hair ;)...then self-pity snuck up on me and sucker punched me right in the face!

So I was in a slump for a few days. But I just let myself be in it. I didn't entertain all the crummy thoughts I could have...but I let myself feel bad...cause I wanted to.

But THEN! It went away. I mean nothing has changed, but I just feel better. I dunno, I guess it just helps to remind myself of the impermanence of moods and feelings and situations. The whole "this too shall pass" bit. It's really true. Thank goodness for that.

Catharthis

"I can see clearly now the rain is gone..."

If I am going to use "rain" as a metaphor for the past few weeks, it would be more appropriate to say that "I can see clearly now the terrential downpour is gone..."

The month of August was a time to face fears, be in the pain, and to truly grow. Times like these are appropriately called "growth periods." They are the times in your life when you feel like s*&% and when "thinking positive" makes you want to hit someone. These times, as hard as they are and as awful as you feel when you are in them, are the golden times for personal development... that is, if you embrace them.

It is not realistic nor is it healthy to tell yourself that "Life is fantastic" when you feel like "Life is difficult," but it is both realistic and healthy to tell yourslef that "Life is a journey, and this moment, however rough, is a part of that journey. In this difficult phase of my life, if I am aware and not attached to my pain, I can grow and I will be a more evolved person for going through this s*&%!!!

So, this past month I've learned a valuable lesson in letting go of resistance to pain and discomfort. I sat with it. Looked at it. Felt it. Learned from it. And, then.... it was gone.

Now, everything seems new and fresh. I am looking at life with more clarity and even more optimism than I already had. Catharthis is the best word to describe what it feels like to emerge from a growth period. Catharthis as defined by Merriam-Webster is "a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension."

Next time you find yourself in doosey of a growth period... think CATHARTHIS... it may help you get through it with less resistance :)

Sometimes life is full of little adventures :)

B.L.A.S.T.

Bored
Lonely
Angry
Stressed
Tired

I heard today that these are the most common ailments that face my peers. I can certainly relate. I think to that so many of them are a choice though - which is not to discount the validity of people's feeling. I just mean...I've felt all of those things -who hasn't?- but when I make a conscious and concerted effort to change my perspective those things pass away...or at least get smaller and more manageable.

But sometimes life sucks and that's real.

But it's certainly not permanent. I really believe that all of our hardships are for our good if we let them strengthen us.

So let's see what we can do to help others feel less bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired - because we've all been there...and hopefully in the meantime we'll feel less of those things ourselves.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Blog

Taking a break from work to contemplate the vastness of the universe...ok, I'm really just avoiding work...

Just a quick note of appreciation for all of the positive, powerful people and forces around me. I'm often amused by the fact that I can get along so with people with whom I share nothing in common but our workspace...and the fact that we spend 50+ hours a week together.

I am not naturally one of the those people who sees the best in everyone and makes friends easily. I can be shy, maybe reserved is a better word. But I'm frequently surprised by the results of my efforts when I try to get to know someone. Not when I try to let them know me, but really find out their story, where they're coming from and what motivates them. I'm surprised by the compassion and passion tucked away in so many individuals.

I have high hopes...

For lots of things. For myself, my future, friends and family, for others, for this country, for the world, for humanity. I see so much potential in everyone and sincerely believe that we're all intended for greatness if we can uncover and nurture the divinity in ourselves...and in each other.

I guess that makes me an optimist and an idealist as well.

Ok, puppies and sunshine and rainbows for all! (<---I'm being a teeny bit sarcastic)

Idealist, Optimist, Realist, Pessimist?

It has been coming up a lot lately... What does the future hold? What does the future hold for each of us personally? What does the future hold for our country? What does the future hold for the world at large? What does the future hold in terms of the universe?

I have noticed that people's responses offer a glimpse into their life perspective.

I am an optimist and an idealist. I can see the positive in mostly everything, including times of pain and upheaval. So, my response to the above questions is that we, as individuals, as a society, as a planet, and as a universe, are in constant evolution. We may go through cyclical changes, ups and downs, highs and lows, but in each transition of the pendulum we are learning and growing. And I believe that as long as we are learning and growing, we are creating the opportunity for enlightenment (whatever that means to each of us). So, the future holds wonderful possibilities!

How would you answer the above questions?

We're so on the same page...

I was totally going to write about following the Tao as well!

Life has been throwing curveballs lately. But let's be specific, we're all friends here, by curveballs I mean: my current job is all wrong, my romantic situation has become terribly, tragically disappointing, I have brilliant plans that aren't coming to fruition as quickly as I'd like, and I can't sell my SUV so am making two car payments. Ew. And I'll be honest kids, it's been getting me down.

Luckily, I've been taking a religion class and restudied Taoism at just the right moment! The real problem is that I'm not getting my way. The stubborn Universe is just not being cooperative and doing things on the schedule and in the way I've set forth and deemed best! Stinkin' Universe.

Ladies and gentlemen, it turns out that I'm not in charge of the Universe. This is good news for many reasons (largely for flying insects, bad drivers, and daytime TV, which will continue to exist depite my most fervent recommendations). But also because I am confident that God, or the Tao, or the Universe, or whatever you want to call it, is smarter than I am. Because I know that there is a path, something I'm intended for, something each of us are intended for, and I don't have to know the path for it to exist perfectly.

So as I increase my faith and trust I try to find and follow my Tao. Life is easier this way. Letting go of my impulse to control everything leaves a lot more time and energy for me to enjoy life and find my path...the one someone or something greater than I am sees from beginning to end. The natural path of my true, best self.

*sigh* Enter the easiness of the Tao....

Follow the Dao...

Our new mantra is "Follow the Dao." In Daoism, the "Dao" refers to the natural flow of the universe, or your path as it is written in heaven. Tyler and I use this mantra to help us to let go of control and release the need to impose our will upon life circumstances and the people around us. This all sounds very deep and elightening, but the truth is that this mantra is just a better alternative to "I give up." You see, "I give up" has been given a bad name. Everyone assumes you are a quitter and stresses the importance of perserverence, but sometimes giving up is necessary. Like I said before, we are talking about giving up control, giving up expectations, giving up resistance. How is that a bad thing? If you can let those things go, even just for a moment, all you have left is to be in the present. When you are in the moment.... you can find peace... and that is how you "Follow the Dao."